The Snicket in the Sand
by DarkMousyRulezAll
Summary: There are many things in this world that are dreadfully unpleasant to experience, drinking medicine, adolescence, and attending a funeral of a dearly loved one. Reader, I advise you to click the 'Back' button in any way that is available on your computer and choose a fanfiction with happier, less unpleasant chapter contents. Rated T for language.
1. Opening Case

**Woooo first ASOUE/Bones crossover! I'm excited, but I'm not sure if you should be reader, I would be wary about approaching this story, that takes place after the events of the seventh dreadful book in that dreadful series.**

**Read at your own risk.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bones nor ASOUE.**

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_**The Snicket in the Sand**_

**Opening Case**

A group of motor bikes happily throttled away as their riders shouted in all their glory.

"WE OWN THE DESERT!" the one, tallest and assumed leader of the bikers, roared above the rumble of the engines. "NOTHING IS IN THE WAY OF THE DESERT RIDERS!"

The bikers began to ride in a circle, and one of the younger riders perked his nose up, smelling a scent like rotten meat. "YO BOSS!" the younger yelled to the leader. "YOU SMELL THAT?"

"WHAT?!" the leader yelled, his long black hair, flapping in his face. He took a second to sniff the air and he choked. "DAMN WHAT IS THAT?" He broke the circle and rode towards the source of the scent where he could spot a circle of crows flying overhead. "THOSE DAMN VFD CROWS!" he cursed as he neared the awful smell. His eyes widened when he came upon a group of crows perched on the hot sandy ground. "No way in hell….that's a BODY?!" The biker train behind him crashed as the leader stopped short to stare in terror at the new found discovery.

(I give my deepest apologies for interrupting the story, but I feel that I must give fair warning.

Dear Reader,

There are many things in this world that are dreadfully unpleasant to experience, drinking medicine, adolescence, and attending a funeral of a dearly loved one. What you have begun to read contains many dreadful things, including but not limited to cold coffee, a murder victim eaten by crows, framed orphans, and an underappreciated psychologist. What is most hurtful to those who are innocent are the people who do not give the care to listen to the truth, only to listen to the lies of those promoted by other liars.

Reader, I advise you to click the 'Back' button in any way that is available on your computer and choose a fanfiction with happier, less unpleasant chapter contents. Even if you wish to read about happy little elves free from murder or secrecy or the cryptic letters of VFD. I implore that you close this tab immediately before the unpleasant story clouds over the rays of your mood and makes you even more depressed than a child drinking cherry-flavored medicine.

The choice is up to you, reader.

With all due respect,

DarkMousyRulezAll; unofficial documenter of the bizarre cases detailing the Baudelaires and the Jeffersonian Institution)

"Whoa, there Bones, are you sure?" Agent Seeley Booth asked of his partner, Temperance Brennan, placing his Styrofoam coffee cup in the cup holder of his car. "Adopting kids? Isn't that a bit…you know, not a wise decision right now considering the whole murder solving thing we do?"

"But Booth, there are plenty of children stuck in the awful torrent that is foster care," Bones protested, glancing at her partner with a knowing gaze. "I became a registered foster parent so I could help those children! My occupation should not matter!"

"You know what Bones, just forget about it!" Booth muttered darkly, as they reached the crime scene. Dr. Brennan got out of the car and walked towards the body, where Cam was kneeling over the mangled body.

"Witness claimed that he saw crows picking at the remains, suggesting that the victim has been out in the desert for a few days," the former coroner stated as the anthropologist neared the body. "Witness also stated that said crows came from the Village of Fowl Devotees, only about a few miles from here." Dr. Brennan squinted in confusion as she put on her gloves and knelt beside Cam.

"A village that adores birds?" she inquired. "Although, anthropologically speaking, many tribes of ancient societies worshipped bird-like deities, this is odd that the birds in question are not deistic in any way, more so like grim reapers, snuffing out the dead." Brennan leaned over the victim's middle. "The pubic bone suggests male, most likely, mid to late 30s."

"Level of decomp suggests time of death was only a few weeks ago. I picked out some particulates that Dr. Hodgins might want to take a look at," Cam pointed out, and Dr. Brennan frowned. "What is it?"

"These markings on the bone, they're deep and jagged, they suggest that he was stabbed violently multiple times."

Dr. Brennan looked up and met Cam's eyes with unwavering graveness. Brennan turned around to look at Booth who had approached from behind, finished talking to the other agents.

"This man did not die by isolation in the desert; he was murdered."

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**[INSERT BONES TITLE SEQUENCE HERE]**

**:D I really felt like The Vile Village was perfect setup for a few fandoms and crossovers, Bones being one. The death of Jaques Snicket will be one that I can do since I am familiar with the story and his death, so I can fudge some scientific mumbo jumbo XD**

**Honestly though, I haven't read TVV in a while so I kinda was really fuzzy for this first part, and really, Jaques's age isn't even given, I'm just guessing.**

**I hope this gets far, because I really want this to be interesting! **

**This might take place in season three, four, or five. (I wanna use VNM as the intern~ or at least Zack AND Sweets~)**

**Anyway, review please! ...if you've decided to read this unpleasant story that is...*mysterious smile added with flickering lights***

**With all due respect,**

**DarkMousyRulezAll~ **


	2. Identifying the Victim

**Dear Reader, you are still not too late to turn back now and spare yourself the misfortunes of this fan fiction. **

**If you would be interested to know, as many would not be in this terrible tale, I have confirmed that this story takes place in Season Five of Bones; therefore, you will find that Vincent Nigel-Murray is the intern. **

**If you do not enjoy facts about crows, arguments about adoptions, or stage makeup, please depart from this chapter immediately.**

**Dismal Disclaimer: I, the author, do not own either of the frightful fandoms, but the thing I do so happen to "own" is the pernicious plot bunny. Pernicious is a word which here means "extremely harmful, deadly, fatal."**

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_**The Snicket in the Sand**_

**Identifying the Victim**

Back at the Jeffersonian Medico-Legal lab, intern Vincent Nigel-Murray was analyzing the semi-flesh skeleton. Dr. Hodgins swiped his ID card and walked up onto the stage by the intern.

"So, this guy was dumped in the middle of the desert to be eaten by crows?" the entomologist asked rhetorically. "Dude, that's harsh, but I've seen weirder and harsher I guess."

"Dr. Hodgins," Mr. Nigel-Murray greeted formally with a small smile, holding his tools in hand. "Were you aware that crows…have their own unique dialect, and those dialects differ between regions."

"Um…okay?" Hodgins answered with a crooked smile, eyebrows raised. Vincent put the tools down on the table and ran his hands over his jacket.

"Forgive me, the whole crow talk has been feeding my fact-imbued mind incentive to think of said bird-related facts. Would it interest you to know that a group of crows is called a murder? Quite humorous actually, isn't it, because of the fact that they were found at the murder scene?"

Hodgins grinned. "I admit the 'murder' thing gets me, but try to keep the spouting at a minimum?" Vincent nodded, and Hodgins went over to a computer, silently gesturing for Vincent to follow.

"I found traces of steel and slight carbon in the particulates that Cam picked out, suggesting that the weapon used to stab the victim here was a kind of metal instrument, blade or knife, I'm not sure of yet."

"Dr. Brennan noted that the marks in the victim's sternum were jagged, could it be that the weapon could have been a long serrated knife?" Vincent questioned aloud, glancing at the entomologist, who stared back in equal puzzlement. "Though, Dr. Brennan doesn't like us to jump to conclusions, I'll wait until she gets here to see if her observations align." Hodgins nodded.

"I also found some odd residue on the particulates. I'll run it through the mass spec to see if it gets any hits!" he said as he went towards his office to analyze the residue.

_Meanwhile…_

On the way to the lab from the crime scene, Agent Booth and Doctor Brennan were in heated discussion, having not dropped the topic as Booth had suggested.

"I don't understand! Why are you getting upset over this Booth?" the anthropologist growled, irritated at her partner's displeasure of her decision. "I've thought about this for some time now and I believe it is a rational thing to do in this point of my life!"

"You don't get it Bones! Your decision is the opposite of rational, it's crazy!" he rebutted. "I don't think you thought this through at all, what were you planning to do just buy up a whole orphanage and train them as your orphan squints?"

"No! That scenario is highly illogical, it doesn't even make sense!"

"Great, now my coffee's cold, are you happy Bones?"

"Why would I be happy about your low temperature coffee?"

…and so the argument continued until they reached the lab.

Back at the Jeffersonian, Cam was almost done removing the flesh from the skeleton and Angela approached, grimacing at the dead body, as per usual.

"Angela, I'm almost done here, then you can do a facial reconstruction to ID the victim," the former coroner stated, without looking up. Angela smiled grimly.

"Sure thing, Cam," she replied, then leaned on the railing next to the table. "Brennan told me the other night that she was thinking of _adopting_ soon. Who woulda thought? I mean first Booth's sperm now this."

Cam looked up from the tissue and grimaced in slight shock. "Seriously, filter information, murder investigation here!"

"Sorry."

"But I do agree, it is oddly out of character for Dr. Brennan, I wonder if it this has anything to do with that whole event," Cam added afterthought, finishing removing the flesh. Underneath the flesh of the head was an intact skull, and Angela took it to place facial markers.

"I'll have a face for this poor guy in a little bit," Angela said, departing for her Angelatron to do its work. Dr. Brennan entered the lab and met up with Vincent in the bone room to examine the now-flesh-free skeleton.

"Dr. Brennan, I've noticed that the cuts in the sternum left striations around the areas on the bone, suggesting that the murder was hastily executed, the marks aren't precise either," Vincent relayed to his supervisor, who simply nodded, looking at the areas he mentioned.

"I would agree, Mr. Nigel-Murray, with your conclusion; however, I suggest we wait until more evidence has been evaluated before relying on that theory," she replied simply, and the Brit took this as an indirect compliment, briefly smiling.

"Would it interest you to know, Dr. Brennan-"

"If it does not pertain to the case Mr. Nigel-Murray, then no."

There was a brief period of silence, in which the intern reflected on the fact he was about to relay, then his breath hitched in realization and he nodded.

"Thank you for your restraint Mr. Nigel-Murray, now would you take a look at the patterns on the L-2 and L-4 vertebra?"

_At the J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building…_

"So….you're worried about Dr. Brennan, seeing as this kind of decision is not one she would make without plenty of consideration," Dr. Sweets said, walking beside Agent Booth to the agent's office.

"Exactly, she's just flying off the handle and she's putting herself in trouble," Booth replied as they reached the office.

"That's reasonable enough, but you claim that she believes she's thought this through, in which case I'm inclined to believe her. In the scenario she has put much thought and afterthought into adopting, what is _your_ reasoning for being against that Agent Booth?"

Booth was stunned for a moment, then once the question had fully sunk in, his face darkened, as in "I'm really pissed you asked that so I'm just gonna be deathly silent so you will skip the conversation."

Luckily, Lance Sweets was no fool and in his experience with Agent Booth, this look he was receiving was serious. He sighed in defeat and leaned against the doorway.

"So, what's the deal with the victim?" the shrink batted out after a few minutes. Booth then got a text and checked his phone.

"Angela's IDed the victim, I should get down to the lab," he replied briskly.

"I'll come with you!"

_Medico-Legal Lab…_

As the others arrived, minus one Jack Hodgins, Angela pulled up the digital reconstruction of the victim's face.

"I ran this image through the database and I found this," Angela said, pulling up the file on the screen. The group of scientists and agent and shrink stared for a while before Cam spoke up.

"Jacques Snicket?" the coroner wondered aloud. Angela nodded.

"And get a load of this, you won't believe it," she added as she pulled up an old newspaper file that read _The Daily Punctilio._

"'Murderous Orphans At Large: The Death of Count Omar'?" Dr. Brennan read off of the top heading.

"The image given with the newspaper matches Jacques's face, but this name 'Count Omar' is completely random. I doubt this reporter knew what they were talking about. But get this, he was killed at that VFD place, where those crows were from! And apparently those orphans in the article were being raised there by the village as their guardian, how weird is that?"

Hodgins ran in the room with urgency written in his expression, but a smile on his face.

"I got the results from the mass spec on that residue I found on the particulates," he announced, putting the image on the screen beside the reconstruction of Jacques's face. "It contained high amounts of petrolatum and propylene glycol, two chemicals commonly found in-"

"Stage makeup," Bones finished, to which Hodgins pouted. "I remember having to use it when Booth and I went undercover at the circus for the Siamese twin case."

"So unless these Baudelaires are travelling performers, they're not our suspects," Cam pointed out, to which the group nodded.

"The Baudelaires were framed!" Dr. Brennan exclaimed, glancing at the 'mug shot' of the three on the newspaper.

Booth didn't like the look on his partner's face when she looked at the orphans, and he had a strange feeling he knew what she was thinking.

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**If you have any ounce of sanity, you would find yourself looking at this story in disgust and encouraging others to stay away from it, denying that you yourself even read this far into it.**

**It might interest those of the insane type in that case, that the context clues imply that the unfortunate Baudelaire orphans will make an appearance soon, and perhaps, even be shown great fortune in the care of Dr. Temperance Brennan.**

**But don't be fooled, dear reader, there is no lying, this story is an unfortunate one, even going so far as to bring this author into the "Lemony Snicket" persona.**

**It wouldn't make any difference to me, but I advise you NOT to review. Reviewing implies that you too, reader, are being dragged down by the grim tale of the three orphans and the people of the Jeffersonian and FBI.**

**With all due respect,**

**~DarkMousyRulezAll**


	3. Enter the Baudelaires

**Dear Reader, if you are still so unfortunate as to be reading this far I suggest you drop whatever device you are using to read this fan fiction and run away.**

**I give my condolences to the poor unfortunate souls who risked their happy lives by reviewing:**

**koryanders, formerly krikinalo; CrynbuscusTheBookworm, formerly KlausBaudelaireTheBookworm; and erik'sgirlforever. Please leave now and read something happier, less dreadful. **

**If you do not enjoy a trio of unlucky orphans, insatiable curiosities, talk of adoption, or apple pie, I suggest you click the "Back" button on your keyboard or mobile device. **

**Dismal Disclaimer: I, the author, do not own either of the frightful fandoms, but the thing I do so happen to own is the pernicious plot bunny, which I have named Beatrice. "Pernicious" is a word which here means "extremely harmful, deadly, fatal." My dear, deadly Beatrice...**

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_**The Snicket in the Sand**_

**Enter the Baudelaires**

Violet Baudelaire was a responsible young adult; at least, that's what she had told herself before the accident and even a few times during the constant change of guardians. But now, the eldest orphan was doubting her ability to keep her siblings and her safe from harm, thus breaking the promise she made, and it made her feel terrible. Not that the whole situation wasn't just a horrible mess already.

After they had been forced out of the Last Chance General Store they had managed to sneak their way onto a passing bus. Of course as most sensible people would guess, they had to steal some disguises, which made the orphans feel even more dirty and disgusted with the situation.

The bus had aimlessly travelled across cities and suburbs and after a few days, the Baudelaires weren't even so sure of where in the country they were anymore. Sunny had fallen asleep in Violet's lap and Klaus was on the way to drifting into unconsciousness as well. Violet only stared out the window, mindlessly gazing at the passing scenery. Although the middle child wanted to follow in his younger sister's example and get some well-deserved shut-eye, seeing his older sister so pensive didn't sit well with him.

"Violet?" he asked softly. "Violet, are you feeling okay?"

He already knew the answer to that question. No, she wasn't feeling okay. She felt guilty for their current predicament, upset because they left Hector and the Quagmires behind, despairing for the loss of the man named Jacques Snicket who had known their parents, and that Klaus's dismal thirteenth birthday was no small potatoes.

Although, the middle child felt the last feeling was more of his own, but the look Violet gave him dismissed his thoughts.

"Yeah, Klaus, I'm fine, I'm just tired," she muttered with a forced smile. Klaus blinked his eyes and put his arm around his sister. "You should get some rest, you'll need it."

"You too, Violet," Klaus replied, resting his head on Violet's shoulder, and allowing his tired eyelids to close. The eldest Baudelaire looked maternally at her younger siblings asleep and she yawned.

"Alright," she whispered in response after a few minutes, resting her head on top of her brother's.

_At the Medico-Legal lab…_

Angela admitted on occasion that her curiosity usually got the best of her in an investigation and on most occasions that was a good thing. After the others had left to continue examining Jacques's remains, the artist began looking up more information regarding the Baudelaire orphans.

What she found did make her day all the more dismal.

"Mysterious Fire Burns Down Mansion, 3 Children Orphaned?" she had read first, finding the article depicting the sad tale of the Baudelaire parents' demise. Soon after, she had delved into the circumstances surrounding the odious Olaf and the horrible heinous high jacked trail of destruction that followed his and the Baudelaires' trails. "Oh…my god…" she muttered, hand over her mouth instinctively, as she continued to read more and more of the Baudelaire's unpleasantries.

"Hey Angie," Hodgins greeted, causing Angela to jump and whip her head around wildly to meet the blue eyes of her co-worker and husband. "Ah…you okay?"

"Yeah, honey, you just scared me," she said with a tired, forced smile, taking a deep breath. The entomologist gave the artist an odd look.

"Heh, I didn't know I could be that frightening," he replied with a chuckle, walking over beside her.

"It's not you, babe, it's just..." Angela glanced to the screen with the innumerable articles, and Hodgins glanced over to them stone-faced.

"You're worried about these kids, aren't you?" he inquired, to which she responded with a tearful nod.

"These children have been through so much, Jack, almost died in many circumstances, and no one takes the time to listen or to properly take care of them." She wiped her eyes. "I just…hate when that happens. Remember that deaf mute girl, Samantha? She said nobody ever believed her, because she was just a kid, that her kidnapper parents abused her." Jack nodded as he listened. "Those things should just never happen. And now these poor orphans are being framed for murder."

"We're gonna find out who did it Angie," the scientist said in a low, soothing voice. "We're gonna find out that psycho who murdered Jacques and prove those kids innocent!"

Angela looked up to her husband. "How do you know it's a psycho?" Hodgins shrugged, but his face was serious.

"Anyone who takes the time to plant evidence at a crime scene that will frame orphaned children is psychotic, baby."

At that moment, Vincent walked into the room with a knowing but curious expression on his face.

"I found some odd remodeled fractures and striations on the bone," he announced, getting the two other's attention. "I can't seem to place the cause as there didn't seem to be any sort of weapon behind it and it's not just blunt force trauma."

Angela nodded and closed the articles to bring up the Jeffersonian screen. "I can run an analysis of the bones to try and determine what could have caused the fractures."

Vincent nodded in appreciation, then looked shyly over to his peers.

"Is Dr. Brennan really going to adopt?" the intern asked the older two. Angela and Hodgins looked at each other briefly and Angela hummed.

"Well, Bren does seem serious about it, though I can't think of any particular kid she's want to adopt…"

_At the Royal Diner…_

Sweets, Booth, and Dr. Brennan were huddled in their usual diner seat eating dinner quietly. Booth nudged the young psychologist and Sweets glanced awkwardly at his FBI agent friend, mentally saying "_Do you really want me to bring this up?"_

Booth nodded and Sweets sighed, getting the attention of Temperance Brennan. She looked up at the young genius with a curious striking gaze.

"Is there something on your mind, Dr. Sweets?" she asked casually, although Lance felt extremely pressured. Getting into business with Brennan and Booth usually put him in awkward places, especially if after a fight between the two of them ended up geared towards him.

"So, Dr. Brennan," he started bracingly, and she blinked expectantly. "I've heard that you're interested in adopting." Temperance nodded and sipped her coffee.

"You have heard correctly," she replied simply. Sweets crossed his hands.

"I was wondering, Dr. Brennan, you haven't expressed any interest in the past about raising children, and from an outsider's standpoint you would be making a rash and unplanned decision in deciding to adopt now, but I know that you're not the kind of person to do things unplanned. I was wondering, what is your rationale for this decision?" Sweets stared with insatiable curiosity at the anthropologist, who paused to think.

"I…feel that with my experience in the foster system and with some of our previous victims who were orphans or abused as children or kidnapped, I can do a better thing by utilizing my resources and taking care of some of those lost kids and prevent more potential murders," she said slowly and softly. Sweets and Booth, satisfied, leaned back in their seats and smiled tiredly. The three returned to their meals, when they heard the door open. Sweets, seated facing the door, gaped and his dark brown eyes widened just the slightest.

"Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth," he whispered lowly, watching the patrons who just entered make their way to the counter. The two aforementioned partners leaned in closer, and Lance gestured to the trio whom he spotted. "It's them! It's the Baudelaire orphans!"

_The Baudelaires…_

"Last stop, leaving off at Washington, D.C.!" the bus driver called to the last of the passengers, who included the three orphans as well as a group of tired looking vagrants who had gotten on about a half-hour earlier. The three orphans got out of their seat and were the last to walk off the bus, in front of a long building that had words across the roof that read _Royal Diner_.

With little other options, Violet, holding Sunny, and Klaus walked into the diner and felt like they were a patch of red in a sea of blue. Looking around wildly, they found a couple of empty stools by the counter and sat down, their faces hot.

After a few minutes, the orphans were all tapped on their shoulders and immediately they thought of the worst: Mr. Poe, the authorities, Esme, and Count Olaf-

"Excuse me?" a soft, tender voice interrupted the Baudelaires' rushing thoughts. Violet and Klaus turned around slowly to see a young man in a suit, with dark curly brown hair and deep brown eyes and a concerned gaze of familiarity. This surprised the orphans greatly so much that they couldn't speak. "Excuse me, would you like to sit with my friends and me? You three look like you're out of town, and you could get lost pretty easily in this city. And believe me when I say that can end up pretty badly."

The orphans looked warily from themselves to the man and his associates in question, an older man and a woman sitting behind at a table. Finally, Violet spoke, "Are you sure? We don't want to be of any trouble…" The man smiled warmly, almost out of spite, it seemed and shook his head.

"No trouble at all, here I'll treat for you guys, the apple pie here is superb," he replied, calling over the waitress and ordering three apple pies, and then he escorted the three to the table, bringing over extra chairs. Sunny blinked with large interested eyes at their newfound companions. Violet and Klaus weren't sure what to say.

"Thank you, sir," Violet mumbled in appreciation, still cautious. The man in question shook his head again.

"Oh, my name, how silly of me to forget manners!" he blurted, causing his companions to roll their eyes. "I'm Lance Sweets, it's nice to meet you. My associates are Dr. Temperance Brennan and Agent Seeley Booth. They're partners."

The two siblings exchanged glances before giving tired smiles.

"I'm Violet, and this is my brother Klaus, and my sister Sunny," the eldest sibling explained.

"Nice to meet you," Klaus continued.

"Odo yow!" Sunny yelled, smiling and revealing her four sharp teeth. Brennan glanced maternally, but sternly.

" 'Odo yow' is not a sentence, Sunny," the doctor pointed out, then tilted her head back in thought. "Although at her age, words are just beginning to form and it's impressive that she uses her premature vocabulary the way that she hears others use their speech in conversation."

"Copemen!" Sunny replied, which could mean, "Thank you, Doctor Brennan!" or "I'm glad someone finally understands!" Her siblings understood and smiled.

"She says 'thank you,'" Klaus translated roughly, which made Temperance smile. At that moment, the waitress came over with three piping hot slices of apple pie. Lance smiled and thanked the woman as she walked away. Hungrily, the three orphans looked at the food placed in front of them.

Simultaneously going through their minds was this:

_These people are being so kind!_

_But they could just not have gotten the Daily Punctilio yet. Anyone who reads that will jump to conclusions and assume we're murderers._

_Maybe Olaf hired them to take us; those pies could be drugged!_

_But Dr. Brennan seems to be someone of high stature, there's no way __**she **__couldn't see through one of Olaf's disguises._

_That pie smells sooooo good…_

"The food here's good you know, we're not trying to poison you kids," Agent Booth spoke up, severing the trio's trains of thought. The three looked down at this comment, not believing their good luck, torn. Sweets and Booth exchanged glances, and the former placed his hand on Violet's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked sincerely, his shrink-y instincts kicking in. Violet took a sharp breath and shook her head.

"It's just," she muttered after a minute. "It's just that we're not so fortunate a lot of the time. And we just…can't believe that you people are so kind to us without having some ulterior motive."

Sweets glanced to Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth knowingly, and they nodded.

"Baudelaires," Dr. Brennan said in a soft voice, and the aforementioned children snapped their heads up. They never mentioned their last names! "I am a forensic anthropologist for the Jeffersonian Institution, and I am the best in the world, not to brag. My partner is in the FBI."

She spoke coolly but in a soothing manner, trying not to startle the kids. "We investigate murders, and we look for the truth. Our current case is of a man named Jacques Snicket, who was found outside of a town called Village of Fowl Devotees," she continued, and the orphans' eyes went wide and panicked.

She placed her hands on theirs and looked straight into their eyes. "We have ascertained that someone who uses stage makeup and a long serrated blade has killed him. We _know_ that you three are innocent and were framed."

Taking all of the good doctor's words in, the three children were overcome with a relief and happiness that they had not felt in a long time, and the Baudelaires wept. They wept because they understood that they were _finally_ believed and there was nothing Olaf could do to change evidence of a scientist. They wept because they believed they had found a _deus ex machina_ at last.

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_**Nota Bene: I have taken an awful creative leap, I understand, in that the case which is supposed to be in Season 6 episode 22 is pushed to the end of Season 5, in the setting of this story. Again, if you are in this far, reader, I suggest you back out now. **_

**I warn you now, reader, the Baudelaires may seem happy and fortunate with the good Dr. Brennan, but as the pernicious Beatrice continues to relay to me, this story is not a happy one. I highly encourage you to stop reading and discourage others from reading this as well, while you have the chance, reader. **

**It would dampen the world down more than it already is if I were to find that you readers reviewed on this story, for reviewing implies that you too reader have been sucked into the dismal tale of the Baudelaires, squints, and the FBI.**

**With all due respect,**

**~DarkMousyRulezAll **


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